i have days where i am fully certain of the decisions i have made. of the life i am living. of the boy i am living it with.
but more often than not i want to run away.
i want to be on my own.
i want a life that involves bicycles and best friends sleeping over and gently rolling waves crashing around my feet.
i want to not feel so trapped so often. so heavy so frequently. so stupid always.
i want to be a girl/woman/person who doesn’t think so much, who doesn’t know what she thinks and feels constantly, who doesn’t constantly feel so angry with the world and society and money and men and life.
i want to wear beat up skinny jeans all the days of the week and take my feminist scottie on adventures.
i want to travel on a shoe string and see at least one shooting star in my life time.
i want to fill pages with journals and drink too many cocktails with friends.
and all these wants and things and dreams are always alone. i am always alone.
so maybe what would be easier is to want to be a girl/woman/person who doesn’t want to be so alone so often.
it’s difficult being someone and some where you are not.